Marlboro Man: "I will bring liberty and cigarettes to Iraq."
Fallujah, Iraq - In an interview with embedded reporter John Curtis, the Marlboro Man repeated his vow to bring "liberty and cigarettes" to the fledgling Iraqi democracy. "We are in the midst of an epic battle for the hearts, minds, and lungs of this proud people," said the Man, as he drew deeply on a Red 100. "The Iraqi people want the freedom to choose, and one of those choices is to smoke fine Marlboro products." PFC Samuel Kinkead supported the Marlboro Man's sentiment: "A lot of the guys here, they don't see any action. We patrol three or four hours a day in our Humvees or Bradleys and have nothing to show for it but the dust in our boots and the dirt caked cinematically on our faces. I, for one, could not be out here winning the war on terror without my Marlboro Extra-lights."
Some, however, have questioned the efficacy of the Marlboro Man's tactics, which include airdropping cartons of cigarettes and parading scantily clad beach volleyball players through the slums of Fallujah. "I just don't think Iraq is ready for this level of freedom and democracy," said one senior administration official, who agreed to speak on condition of anonymity. "For one thing, most Iraqis continue to wear 'traditional garb' such as the imamah, hijab, and ski mask that preclude smoking. We are also relatively convinced that these cartons of cigarettes are, for the moment, fueling a black market in small arms."
He added: "Lit cigarettes are also perfect targets for snipers. Recently casualty figures in the Sunni triangle suggest that the Iraqis know this, or possibly that there are Viet Cong in their ranks."
But others are convinced that Operation Smooth Draw will be a success. "When I signed up with the Arkansas National Guard, sure I never dreamed I would be out here pulling a second eight month tour," remarked Private Joe Jenkins, of Pine Bluff. "But seeing some of these kids taking their first, grateful drag off a Marlboro menthol, and wearing a warm Marlboro motorcycle jacket, convinces me that Iraq can be a strong, healthy democracy in the Arab world." Private Jenkins then looked off into the blue distance over the battle-scarred desert, weary but reflective. Tucked into the spare ammo clip holder on his tactical vest was a half-empty pack of Marlboro Lights.
Some, however, have questioned the efficacy of the Marlboro Man's tactics, which include airdropping cartons of cigarettes and parading scantily clad beach volleyball players through the slums of Fallujah. "I just don't think Iraq is ready for this level of freedom and democracy," said one senior administration official, who agreed to speak on condition of anonymity. "For one thing, most Iraqis continue to wear 'traditional garb' such as the imamah, hijab, and ski mask that preclude smoking. We are also relatively convinced that these cartons of cigarettes are, for the moment, fueling a black market in small arms."
He added: "Lit cigarettes are also perfect targets for snipers. Recently casualty figures in the Sunni triangle suggest that the Iraqis know this, or possibly that there are Viet Cong in their ranks."
But others are convinced that Operation Smooth Draw will be a success. "When I signed up with the Arkansas National Guard, sure I never dreamed I would be out here pulling a second eight month tour," remarked Private Joe Jenkins, of Pine Bluff. "But seeing some of these kids taking their first, grateful drag off a Marlboro menthol, and wearing a warm Marlboro motorcycle jacket, convinces me that Iraq can be a strong, healthy democracy in the Arab world." Private Jenkins then looked off into the blue distance over the battle-scarred desert, weary but reflective. Tucked into the spare ammo clip holder on his tactical vest was a half-empty pack of Marlboro Lights.
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posted by Jon at 5:38 PM
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